The Danger of Craving Acceptance
One of the ways I found and entered a new level of freedom is determining that I would NEVER again argue with a f**l, under the guise of vying for their acceptance.
One of the drawbacks of human nature is we want people to understand us cos there’s a thing in our brains that says understanding = acceptance. And even when we’ve had many experiences to know it is false, even if we’re old enough to know better, we continue.
What that means is we endanger ourselves and waste our time – doing things and pandering to people who don’t add good – because we think their acceptance is everything.
My favourite mantra is learn to discern and recognise people, things and situations for what they are – not what your ego or emotion would prefer – and treat them accordingly.
It’s literally the only advice I’d give a younger version of myself; it’s the constant I abide by now in business, marketing and life.
Because you see, no matter how nice you are or what your intentions are, not everyone will accept you. Not everyone can give you the acceptance you crave. And that’s a good thing.
Why? Because not everyone is supposed to accept you.
Not everyone likes ice-cream or chocolate. So as a marketer or manufacturer, why are you blowing your resources on such people?
As a waiter/waitress, why are you concerned about opinions of people who are not a) the customer you’re supposed to serve or b) the persons who is in charge of approving your pay? Cos as far as that job is concerned, these are the ones that truly matter.
Whether you’re a politician, doctor, lawyer or anything else – why can’t you focus on doing what the one who sent you, to/for the one whom you were sent? Cos you want others who are not in the position to hire or fire you to think some way of you and accept you.
If you’re a postman, you’ve collected letters or packages to deliver, people are waiting on what you collected and AGREED to deliver. And the integrity of the person you collected the letters or packages from, rests on your ability to deliver how and when promised. It doesn’t matter what you have to do to get a letter or package to the recipient! You’re not getting paid for playing with dogs on the way!
People who are really good at their jobs do NOT get acceptance from everyone. Because they do their job and go home!
And sometimes, they get in trouble for it
Or if you’re a Bible person, do you really think
- Joseph’s dogged focus on the job earned him friends? That nobody wondered “this one too do” even if they couldn’t say it out?
- the way Daniel carried out his assignment made his contemporaries happy? Fgs, they planned to get him killed cos he wasn’t one of them and they could find nothing wrong with the way he had discharged his duties!
- Esther was put in that position to go and be pally with her enemies?
So, why can’t you focus on your assignment and go home?
Yes, they will say you’re proud cos you know who you are, focus on your assignment and don’t engage with them except to destroy them as the distractions they are – so what?
Your hunger for acceptance of others, is why you’re going around explaining yourself to your enemies and to people who don’t have any business knowing what you’re doing?!
Instead of focusing on yourself and partner, you’re all over social media explaining to people you’re not married to, why you are a good spouse. Meanwhile if you or your spouse KNOW that you’re not a good spouse, it doesn’t matter what folk say!!!
Instead of firing bad friends and employees who are destroying your reputation, life and business, you’re trying to make them accept you by sitting with them and explaining to all and sundry WHY you’re such a good person!
Instead of focusing on your health, marriage and attempts to conceive, you’re focusing on trying to prove to your witchy mother-in-law who’s already made up her mind about you, that you’re not a bad person and if she just takes time to get to understand you, she will gift you acceptance.🙄 Olodo.
If the person(s) you’re sent to and the one(s) who sent you, don’t accept you for whatever reason, that is a problem. Why is an alliance with the wrong person(s) more important to you, than the problem you were hired to fix?
No matter how nice, talented or productive you think you are, you’re going to have to be OK with hearing or saying No at some point.
You can’t say Yes to everyone, everyone can’t say Yes to you – and sometimes, it’s not even personal.
WHAT do you think you are that you deserve acceptance from everyone? How can the applause and accolades of strangers or the acceptance of your detractors mean more to you than your assignment, fgs?
If you’re a woman in Law or Media, looking for your own tribe, apply for my help here.