Why You’re Really Hurt By Celebrity Divorces
Over the past however number of months, there’s been news of a number of celebrity divorces (as well as breakups for some who split before they got hitched) in Nigeria.
And folk have gone wild. Predictably so; very boring.
Saying weird things.
Like “Ooooh, my role models have broken my heart”
Or “I no longer believe in love/marriage because celebrity divorces bla-bla-bla.”
YOU ONLY SEEK EXTERNAL VALIDATION WHEN SOMETHING IS ALREADY BROKEN INTERNALLY.
You might not be conscious of it.
You might not be able to articulate it.
Or you might be too afraid to say it.
But you would not be looking to strangers (who just happen to be famous) to demand they give you proof that love/marriages work IF YOUR PARENTS’ UNION WORKED.
And by ‘worked’, I don’t mean they stayed together for a zillion years. I mean they modelled love, compassion and respect – whether they had a trad ceremony, took vows in a religious building or signed papers at a registry.
You are drawn to a particular celebrity for a reason. Even when they’re rich, pretty or talented – that’s not it. Not all it is cos that’s not the only rich, pretty, talented famous person in the world.
On some level, your soul aligns with or craves what that celebrity represents cos it’s filling a void inside you.
And their wealth, looks or talent (or the physical appearance of these features) validate something for you.
The external might take a while to catch up, but it eventually reflects the internal. That’s why you’re even drawn to certain coaches, writers, brands.
Even when you can’t afford them yet, what’s inside you responds to the call of what’s inside them.
It’s why you can be drawn to or repelled by someone at a first meeting, from a single post or before they even say a word.
Sometimes, you’re reacting a certain way cos their light irritates your demons. And that’s all internal; they don’t have to come for you physically or verbally before you feel attacked.
Celebrities are just more visible to the human eye than ‘civilians’ cos of the job. Meaning you notice them, then are either drawn to or repelled by them cos of what is ALREADY IN YOU. Deep calls to deep.
What you are looking for is hope. If you thought you already had it, you wouldn’t be looking for it. And that’s why you’re so wounded by celebrity divorces that have nada to do with you personally.
You’re looking for a fantasy that you think you can control, to make up for your lack of control in certain circumstances in your own life. Celebrity divorces shatter not just that fantasy for you, but also your illusion of control.
When an illusion is shattered, you are forced to confront a specific reality and sometimes you don’t have what it takes to do so.
MANY in generations before us FAILED at the love/marriage thing even when they stayed together and looked ‘respectable’.
And we know because it’s impossible to lie to the child in your house, as well as you can lie to society!
They’ve been seen beating/ab*sing their wife/husband for dinner after keeping malice for breakfast, but they wear ‘and co’ to a public event for lunch where they smiled and took pictures. Yet, some of the same people want to dole out advice on marriage and commitment.
That’s why some are going nuts. Deep down, you want to believe, but you lack the tools to find your own belief.
Cue putting expectations on celebrities, with their own issues, who put that part of their life in the public sphere. So when they fail to meet your expectations, it reinforces the broken-ness that was already in your soul; they didn’t cause it.
If whatever your parents modelled is NOT what you want to repeat, you are whom I’m talking to. And if they did good, you wouldn’t be moved even if you saw news of 20 different celebrity divorces in a day.
There are a number of celebrity unions that don’t make the news for two reasons.
The first is that they have chosen for reasons best known to them, to keep their unions (from details to news of its existence) out of the media and some of them are really happy.
I’ve read about and met women in the public eye, who have been married for over seven years and their public doesn’t know because there are no traces of those unions either in any media. Some public figures have turned keeping quiet about certain things into an art.
Which shouldn’t be a problem cos celebrities are not your property or pets; they don’t owe you front row seats to their personal lives.
The second reason some celebrity unions don’t make the news is that even when there are those who have traces of their unions in the media, they are actually happy. And bad news sells. Whether it’s of an acrimonious break-up, allegations or incidents of infidelity/juju/domestic violence or celebrity divorces – they seem to be the ones that get the clicks.
So, even when you see a photo with a caption in which a couple (where one or both of them are in the public eye) is celebrating, there will be at least one salty creature announcing that they’re waiting for the union to fail. Because they’re just as damaged as the ones looking to be validated by strangers’ love stories.
If the people who should be your role models, modelled love and marriage to you, you wouldn’t be sent off the rails – one way or the other – by news of celebrity divorces. Particularly if said celebrities are strangers to you.
Celebrities don’t owe you “role model status” unless they’re YOUR PARENT or the OTHER PARENT OF YOUR CHILD.
I help women in Law and Media develop strong voices, solid careers and stable personal lives. And you can ask for my help here OR have a glimpse of what I may be able to do for you here.