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    How To Go From “Loser” To Success

    If you stumbled on this post about getting to success, I promise it’s not clickbait.

    You might be at a place in your life where you feel like a loser, like nothing’s working for you no matter how hard you try.

    In fact, you may have tried many things already, but you’ve been left frustrated and puzzled. Why else would you be reading this blog post?

    Help is here and if you read to the end of the post, you’ll see my 5 steps for going from loser to success.

    I promise they will come in handy – especially if you’re a woman in Law OR Media. So, without further ado 👇

    1) Define what success means to YOU

    If you don’t know what success is to you, how will you know if you get it? You also run the risk of driving yourself crazy or not reaching your full potential cos you’re working with another person’s definition of success. “I want to be a successful lawyer” or “I want to be an actress” is a start, but what does success as a lawyer/actress/blogger/on-air personality/podcaster/author look like to you?

    Look below for examples of what I mean

    • You can be a working actress and even win awards, but not get paid. So, saying “I want to act” is not enough
    • You can be a well-known lawyer, but your clients are all dramatic, you feel harassed by your boss and you’re on the edge of burnout
    • You can be a published author, but make no sales; you’re still an author

    And so on. So, what do you actually want? What does success mean to you?

    After I became an author (I should have done it sooner but that’s when) I took the time to articulate what success is to me as an author. And I was quite surprised to note that it wasn’t designer outfits, fancy events, lots of Twitter followers or cars.

    I wasn’t able to articulate what I wanted initially, but I noticed certain authors who were exhibiting some things that my soul knew were important to me. I figured out, “That’s why you’re drawn to them. You are being shown people who have their own versions of what you desire.” And that’s when I was able to articulate it. I wasn’t envious, but I have no problem saying, “Hey, that’s what I meant” OR “That looks interesting, even if I didn’t consider it before.”

    Which is why I feel such pity for people who troll celebrities on social media for having certain things. You low-key or even openly desire marriage with a kind, sane person who prioritises and cherishes you; why are you making or liking derogatory, bitter comments under a celebrity’s post about how much they love their partner?

    Think of it as going into a pastry shop, but all you know is that you want a pastry. You will be shown options as suggestions and you may be told what’s in each pastry – so that you can consider them and make your choice. But if you turn up your nose in disgust at anything in the display case, even if you really want it, you won’t get it.

    If you don’t know (maybe because you don’t have the words for it OR nobody you know, is an example of what success looks like to you) look at what you don’t want and flip it. So, eg. if messy splits, acrimonious divorces and abusive marriages are what you see around you, but you don’t want such, it’s cos you want the opposite. One of the mistakes people make when aiming for success is focusing, to the point of obsession, on what failure looks like to them. So, they’re not just noticing or acknowledging what they don’t want; they’re obsessing about it. They’re filling their minds and external environment with images and affirmations of what they don’t want. From the movies they watch and discuss with gusto, to the friends who embody just what they don’t want.

    2) Identify your limiting beliefs

    People who (say they) want a thing that continues to elude them, might have a limiting belief.

    A limiting belief is an ingrained belief that effectively
    a) sabotages your efforts if you try to go for what you want OR
    b) prevents you from going for what you say you want in the first place.

    So, you say you want to be an actress BUT you believe deep down that all Nollywood actresses are prostitutes. Ergo, you don’t go for auditions, even if you act well.

    You want to be a wealthy entrepreneur or writer. BUT you were raised in a religious cult that tells you no rich person can enter the kingdom of god cos they’re all bad or greedy. So, you keep charging much lower than your value and even then, you keep running into customers from Hell who will not pay you without a fight.

    If you truly want to become a success, you need to identify the limiting belief(s) fighting the manifestation of your desire.

    3) Pinpoint the story behind your limiting belief(s) & write a new story for yourself

    Limiting beliefs do not just happen; they all come from somewhere. And you get attached to them for a reason.

    Maybe you believe that all Nollywood actresses are prostitutes because your aunt who was an actress was unfaithful to her husband. And she even committed paternity fraud. That’s the story behind your limiting belief that’s now affecting your ability to do a job you love.

    Perhaps you grew up hearing that money is hard to get and you always saw your parents struggle for money. But they were good, religious people. Then, you found out that your wealthy uncle was a kidnapper or oil bunkerer. That’s the story behind your limiting belief that sabotages your every effort to make good money – no matter your skill, knowledge or talent.

    A limiting belief can be expressed in a word, a phrase or a sentence. But there’s always a story behind it which people might not know when they hear that word, phrase or sentence from you.

    The story keeps you stuck or makes you regress because it justifies the belief that is limiting you. The great thing is that you can write a new story; I mean that literally.

    Not everyone suffers before they get paid what they want.
    Some lawyers who work hard, really love their jobs and paypackets.
    Some bestselling authors and popular actresses have many loyal fans, are truly financially wealthy, don’t compromise on their morals and have genuine love in their personal lives.
    Why can’t ☝️ be your story, too?

    4) Brainwash yourself into embodying a new identity

    Now, this might sound drastic, but it’s absolutely necessary. And sustainable.

    There’s a reason motivational speakers will tell you that you need to see yourself having something in your mind before you taste, see or experience it physically. It’s because the you that’s visible is merely a reflection of your dominant thoughts and ingrained beliefs. Whatever new story you want to experience for yourself ‘in real life’ needs to start from your mind.

    I call it brainwashing because that’s what it is. I mean, if you truly believe right now that you can’t make huge sums of money from your desired career, it’ll take a shift in your mind for you to believe different.

    It’s like ‘method acting’. Some actors are able to give convincing performances cos on some level, they’re not acting; they ARE the character they’re playing. Their brain or system doesn’t actually know they’re acting – so, their hysterical tears, visceral reactions or effusive celebrations (where the script calls for it) are very real. This is cos such actors embody their characters – even before they get on set or stage – so they’re naturally doing what characters in such circumstances would naturally do.

    Is it possible to attain success without embodying a new identity? Yes, but
    a) you’re reading this because whatever you’ve been doing before now, hasn’t been working for you AND
    b) if you were to attain or fall into success with your current mindset, you just won’t be able to maintain it because you cannot thrive in Asokoro with Ajegunle mindset. I mean, there is a reason that some lottery winners end up broke and even worse off than they were before their win.

    People are different, so they imbibe new information and beliefs in different ways. You may need to hear something for it to be imprinted on your subconscious. Or you might need to see it for it to stick. It really doesn’t matter what technique you use to brainwash yourself – vision boards, meditation, affirmations, gratitude, yoga, prayer, visualisation, inner conversations, scripting, subliminals, reading blog posts like this one, listening to podcasts – as long as you do. What are the dominant thoughts, beliefs, habits and words of someone who is a success according to your own definition? Practise them. Repeatedly.

    You cannot romanticise or hold onto your current story and the trauma that is now your identity, if you truly want to become a success. Repetition of and focus on what you actually want, tend to be helpful when brainwashing yourself into embodying the identity of someone who is successful.

    5) Do the work, be patient, rinse & repeat

    While some sects will have you believe that you can be given a blessing you don’t deserve AND there are some who believe in overnight success, the truth is that some things do not happen overnight.

    Contrary to what some parts of the media (I’m referring to the reality TV show circuit) suggests, all truly successful people have had periods of silence and underground work that the public didn’t see. And even when successful people mention those periods, nobody really wants to focus on them. But if you skip your process, you will show up like undone moi-moi.

    So, when you’ve decided what you want, identified your limiting beliefs, decided on your new story and started to brainwash yourself – be patient while doing the work.

    Doing the work might be taking an acting class, learning to write fiction or more about your industry, having the discipline to keep your mouth shut, training your mind to stop repeating your old story, changing your circle of friends and enforcing boundaries.

    But you also need to bear in mind that some things are beyond your control cos they’re really not your business, so mind your business. Sometimes, it’s looks like people who fell into the life of their dreams, orchestrated certain things – from the award-winning singer who happened to be singing in a hotel bathroom when an A&R person from a record label was there, to the woman who got set up on a blind date and met the love of her life. But☝️are not strategies for success; these are things that actually fell into place, when people were ready.

    So, you really don’t want to go doing things just cos they look like the obvious steps to take. Not every talented, award-winning actress attended a prestigious (or any) drama school. Does that mean attending drama school is bad or wasteful? No. But you don’t want to do something that’s not right for you, just cos it looks like it.

    I help young women who are in Law OR Media to develop
    ✅strong voices
    ✅solid careers AND
    ✅stable personal lives.
    So if ☝️ is what you’re actually interested in achieving, contact me here to ask for my help.

    Has this blog post on getting to success been helpful or given you new insight? Let me know in the comments section below

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